Langley's Blog

Post tomorrow!

I'm 21! Drunk and loving life. Real Blog tomorrow. Fuck you aurora!

A blog post caught my eye last night and I thought that I would share it with you:

The Sound of Settling.
So I have a friend, we'll call him Shmaul, he has a blog too. Lately he's been on a whole Machiavelli kick, nothing wrong with that you may think, unfortunately it seems that some people can find fault with anything. His most recent ex, we'll call her Shnaomi (hah!) has been reading his blog and seems to have taken a dislike to his references to all things Machiavellian, going so far as to facelessly bitch about it on Twitter of all places (I know, I know, people in glass houses and all.) and it got me wondering, what's with the desire to know every detail of past partners present lives? I'm as guilty of this as anyone, I once changed an exboyfriends passwords to everything, pretty much shot myself in the foot in terms of finding out details, but I was a whole bunch of crazy and besides, that's a different story for a different day. I digress, why do we need to know? We're only torturing ourselves, especially if we're "losing" the break-up. We end up being irritated by their old habits, bad spelling, stupid friends and for no reason other than to find out what, exactly? It all seems a bit silly really, so I propose a pledge to just stop. No-one is gaining anything from it really.

Interesting stuff, eh?

So this is going to be the last day that I am going to be 20. Interesting. Twenty-one. How the years really do fly by. Well, I am going to be 21 at 15:33 GMT. That is the time that I was born exactly. 3:33. Half way to hell. That's what life feels like some times but not right now. That black dog has fucked off so far that I can't see it.

Tomorrow it looks like I might try and do 21 shots. Maybe not at the same time because you know...I will actually die, but spaced out during the night. That'll be more fun. A 21 shot salute.

And then on the 9th, it's going to be infamous bar crawl. And trust me, by the end of the night we are pretty much crawling, we've had that much. It's going to be brilliant. And tomorrow, I have a lecture on 'The Prince'. Life just can't get better really.

I'll see if I can do a VLOG at around midnight and put it on here for either tonight's post or tomorrows.

Either way:

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

;)

Ta ta.

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The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

So, I had a really good day today in all honesty. I have been talking to Laura over MSN a lot because she's been online and we've both needed a chat. It's been dead nice. Would've, Could've, should've etc etc.

I went to the cinema with Father today too. That was odd. Ah well, he wanted to spend some time with me and things because... well, who knows really?

Went for a meal which was okay and then I went to planet. Got chatting to some people. A girl called Rachel who incidentally has just moved back from Bristol to Wolverhampton. Small world, eh?

And because I went to planet, I got horribly drunk :) What else is there to do really?

Ta ta.
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Alkaline Trio - Piss And Vinegar

Funny how if you're a joke, you just can't stay away. So much that you access this on your phone. Hmm.

Been thinking about Machiavelli, The Price and Discourses. How one can have two separate, contradictory thoughts at the same time. Doublethink? How both cruelty and niceness will both take you far. Hate won't.

Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with. Because this is to be asserted in general of men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowardly, covetous, and as long as you succeed they are yours entirely; they will offer you their blood, property, life and children, as is said above, when the need is far distant; but when it approaches they turn against you. And that prince who, relying entirely on their promises, has neglected other precautions, is ruined; because friendships that are obtained by payments, and not by greatness or nobility of mind, may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.

If you've got a moment, read chapter 17 of 'The Prince' here "Concerning Cruelty And Clemency, And Whether It Is Better To Be Loved Than Feared

Is it better to be loved or feared? I think that it depends on the situation. In work life it's much better to be feared, well, any aspect of your life rather than your immediate personal life then it is better to be feared. You get a lot more that way.

I've bought a ticket to see Pearl Jam at Hard Rock Calling in June. £60 but WHO CARES?! PEARL JAM!!!

Spent £50 on alcohol today as well. Fuck it.

Well do you find you like to fall in love with people that you're never gonna meet?
It's easier than breaking up and crying in the street
Do you curse the happy couple? Do you cringe at wedding bells?
Do you drink up all the punch while you wish 'em all to

Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss, blah blah blah.
You're making me sick, I wish you'd just stop showing off
For the rest of us that no one wants to love
It's hard enough trying to drink another Winter all alone
Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss, blah blah blah.

Oh, and I love how this is true:

There are things that used to make me laugh
But now they're deeply buried in the past
I left them there so far away
Replaced my humor with my pain
I'll be happy on the day it dies

Remember when I said I love you
Well, forget it I take it back
I was just a stupid kid back then
I take back every word that I said

Funny, if I say something else that I want to then it'll happen.

Oh, and didn't you see this coming? Bad things happen in three's.

Told you. I went into the bathroom and cried. It was because I miss you. It wasn't even that good. Just a friend? Yeah. BOYfriend.

Also, didn't you realize what he was playing at? He told you that I cheated on you because he wanted you to break up with me. You didn't so he put thoughts in your head so that when I returned to University that you would. He was nice and comforting that you would sleep with him, develop feelings and go out with him today. I saw this in May. Why didn't I stop it? It's more fun this way. Shame I won't be there to laugh when it all comes crashing down.

God, I love alcohol.

This is the last time I talk about things like this. My life is going so fucking brilliantly as of late. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Today, I had an American and Bea around. We cooked, we drank; we had fun :D

I love how this packet of cards has a lot of the ace of spades in it. I would say around 17 ace's. When to play them... when to play...

Ta ta.
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Foo Fighters - February Stars

Are things really out of our control or is it just us or others saying it, really? I am torn between the three of them. We can want something so badly that we would die for it, quite gladly, if there was a vain hope in it happening whether it be actually dying or just a spiritual or psychological death.

Sometimes, after years and years of lusting after something (let's not kid ourselves, it's usually someONE) and we finally get it, I usually find that I don't want it anymore. Was it all in the chase? Was all of that just lust? I guess we only ever find out at the very end. We either want it even more then as we have what we've been searching after for years or now that we don't have to strive for it, we don't want it anymore. La petite mort?

Like me, for example, I get... obsessed with somethings, not usually people, for a while. Be it guns, flags, food... et al. Eventually things like that subside, but when it's about a person... it can go on consistently for years.

I swear that 'love' and 'lust' are just alternative words for Machiavellian.

Ever led in bed wishing that someone was there more than anyone else? Wanting something that you just can't damn well have and you know this but you still want it more and more everyday? Lost sleep over someone or just can't sleep over someone?

Or thought that you were in love or loved someone but as soon as you got the courage to tell them, that feeling went faster than cocaine up a prostitutes nose?

But don't ask me; I only just got here.

Ta ta.
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H.I.M - Love, The Hardest Way

Let's not kid ourselves, it is usually best to say things when you're sober. Sobriety is overrated though.

When you're drunk you really mean it. Say it like you mean it. All it takes is a bit of lubricant for your thoughts, to make you realize that what you're doing is a splendid idea. Even when it's not. I am sure that you've been in that situation, I myself have been many a time and it's also happened to me many times too.

Do I really need to say those things at all or should I say them all then. I presume that I have been thinking about things that I wouldn't say when I was sober. It might just be a different way of thinking it because thoughts are less linear; less logical if you will.

But then again, trace the steps back and you'll find it made prefect sense. I guess sometimes only to yourself.

What have I been saying? Don't call me when you're sober and don't call me when you're drunk either. Don't text me, too on my birthday. You know who you are. This time it's for good, baby. This time it's forever.

Ta ta.
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Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

So I had two hours sleep last night and there was no good reason for this which makes me sad.

Went to lectures as per normal then went for coffee with Keira. It was nice to just sit and chat, even though we talk a fair bit and things, we aren't that close. Even despite spending the week together in Normandy, France. C'est la vie.

I wish I had a 'girlfriend' in the sense I could go shopping with, have fun with, cook for et al.

Also, the other kinda girlfriend would be grand too :)

Funny, coming to the realization that I am going to be 21. Not that bothers me in the slightest, pretty damn ambivalent about the whole thing. It's just that at the age of 21 I thought that I would've found a close group of friends that I would have for life, you know? Some people who I grew up with. Granted there are some wonderful people in my life and some that I grew up with... particularly. Well, Ms. Laura Sowman knows me better than all others put together. Ms. Kayleigh Churchill is awesome, we didn't get on with at all when I was younger has become my best friend in Yate. She's pretty damn awesome. She knows that childish shit time is over, time for being grown-up things and not to 'hate' someone because someone told you to do so.

Also, bought a mic so you know, if you want VLOG's (not every day, I look bad most days.) I can do them (y)

I would love a cuddle and a whiskey right now. Well, I can do one but you kinda need someone else for the 'ther.

Black dog's back. Shit.

Ta ta.
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Alkaline Trio - Draculina

I didn't totally forget something, at all... Come on, this is me. I totally did.

Last night, I went to see Lacuna Coil for the second time. And OH.MY.GOD. Cristina Scabbia (the front woman) is so incredibly, mind blowingly attractive. Yummmm...

That's the sort of girl that I like. Black hair, AWESOME clothes, and lots of black eye make-up.

Also, something else is excellent. Laura, who you all know I talk about is blogging too, apparently. Here Everyone should totally click that follow button on her blog.

Today, I had a really awesome lecture on Machiavelli. Okay, here's something... I am a nerd when it comes to things like this. I would love to talk philosophy, especially political philosophy for hours and hours. That's just me. Talking about being 'Machiavellian' (which I have been described as on more than one occasion).

As I said that Monday is my ASDA shopping day today, it was. I didn't get home from ASDA until 00:45. This is good, I love shopping late at night. Pork chops? Yummy.

Thank you to all the lovely comments. I really do appreciate it. I really do.

I am glad that you like my accent. Do a VLOG yourself, let's see if I love yours too ;)

If you didn't notice, when I think, I look up. That's the dyslexia and thinking things in a visual way and when you look up you access that part of your brain. Odd, eh?

Anywhoo...

Welcome to Februrary (which I didn't know had two R's until I was eighteen. And one week 'til I am 21!)

Ta Ta.
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Lacuna Coil - Heaven's A Lie

At last!

As promised:

My First VLOG from Paul Langley on Vimeo.

Ta ta.
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Bon Jovi - Welcome To Wherever You Are

I find it odd that some black stains on a white page can mean so much and call into question your own thoughts, ideals and personality.

Some of the things on a page can make you laugh; they can make you cry. They can be prophetic whereas some can be ludicrous.

I have been reading a book that has been on this planet for around five hundred years, written in now what we call Italy to a leader as a rule book on what to do to keep power.

Know it? Machiavelli - The Prince.

It pointed out some things to me that I need to change in my day to day life. I need to more like how he describes to the said prince. But you have to pick the times correctly for when you're going to implement what you have planned.

People asked me why I didn't do anything in October, why I didn't pull my punches; show my cards. Well, it's not the time, nor is this. A time will come when things will be used for maximum effect and at the age of 20 isn't that.

I think I need to be more like Machiavelli, I know that a lot of people who have seen this side of me at University already think that I am. To quote one "You're one of the most calculating people I have ever met." This is quasi-true. Most of the time I don't actually realize what I am doing, and things just fall into place without even realizing what I am doing.

Anyway, enough of this.

I nearly own all of Vonnegut's books. Just think that in September, I had none.

Talking to Michelle last night online she was talking about a guy that she once knew that reminded her of me. How she was talking about him, it was a basic vision of my future. It was scary and just how I saw it unfolding. Who knows if it's going to happen like that, but well... who knows.

Life is funny like that.

Sometimes it isn't funny at all.

Ta ta.

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Alkaline Trio - Off The Map

Woke up at 14:00 today. Let's just say that I felt a little worse for wear. Just a tad.

I haven't done that much today due to the immense hangover that I have had. So much that I couldn't be bothered to cook so a phone call to dominos pizza was in order.


I have written Michelle's letter so that is one thing that I can cross off my massive list of things to do.

Tomorrow, maybe Planet again... Hmmm... Who knows? ;)

Life is going pretty well at the moment, something invariably is going to shit all over it but hey, let's enjoy it for now.

Ta ta.

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Alkaline Trio - The American Scream