Langley's Blog

Today I got woken up by Ms. E calling me. That was nice I do have to say.

I spoke to her on the phone for around TWO hours. Odd, eh?

Hmmm.

What have I done with my normally unproductive Sunday?

I cooked! I really pushed the boat out today in all honesty. I cooked a Sunday roast with everything.

Cooked the chicken from scratch and everything! Lemon and garlic up it and may I just say... Oh my god!

And the roast potatoes were magnificent too. What a good meal.

Back to Ms. E. I might be meeting up with her on Tuesday. Who knows? I don't know where this is going really, but I... I don't know where it's going. Plain and simple.

I would love for it to go where I want it to go, and I've got to make it work, I guess.

Something in life has to go the way that I want it to really, doesn't it? It's about time that something good was coming my way and why can't this or something similar like this be going my way? I would like it very much in all honesty.

I need someone there to get me out of bed in the morning. I am hopeless by myself really. Honestly. Truly. I am awful in the morning unless someone else is there. They don't have to say or do anything, just be there when I wake up, then I know that the day is going to be a good one and that there are things to do, even if it is to go and get coffee. I used five two lettered words just then in a row. Odd.

Anyway.

Tomorrow is lectures and things which is going to be good because I really do actually enjoy my lectures on a Monday even if this week it is a continuation on Rousseau.

I need to find my animus, if I had any, in a different life or whatever, it would be nice to have some drive. Some spirit.

Life to go good would be nice, plzkthnx.

Oh, is there anything that you want to know about me?

Ta ta.
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Okkervil River - Listening To Otis Redding At Home During Christmas

Today was a good day. I went to Leicester to got to the football which is always good and it was against Nottingham Forest which is even better. A local derby.

We won! It was awesome. 3-0. So much fun :D

I went for a curry and spoke to Ms. E on the phone a fair few times. The journey which was going to take around two hours. Maximum and that is return, took 5. Brilliant, eh? Well, I got some reading done and Derby train station is quite nice.

That's all today has been really. Football and curry. Good day.

Ta ta.
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Okkervil River - So Come Back, I Am Waiting

So, today hasn't been that filled with exciting things or anything of real... anything. I did however spend around two hours on the phone to Ms. E.

Tomorrow after Leicester (to see a football match) on the way back I shall see her in Birmingham and who knows?

It's lovely to have someone to talk to on the phone again. And someone who is a woman too, who can go out for a late drink.

Who can legally drink too. No parents, no religion just talking and drinks.

Love love, kiss kiss, blah blah blah.

Ta ta.
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H.I.M. - Sleepwalking Past Hope

So, where was I? Ah, Revolution.

I hear that after seven SoCo's and lemonade (no ice) four pints of cider that shots is a good idea. Really? Well, it was last night.

We stayed in Revolution for the time it takes to have 18 shots each. She practically passed out. First date ever and she tried to keep up with my drinking. Woops. She was still conscious but was very, very drunk. She doesn't appreciate my smoking either.

So I call for a taxi. She throws up. We get into taxi (which I can't remember at all) got out of taxi (memory comes back now, nothing during the taxi ride) and I pay for the taxi and we go into my house.

She strips. Totally. And runs to my bedroom. Climbs in bed and I climb in too. Obviously. But she's far too drunk for anything to happen so I tell her to go to sleep and we went to sleep.

She decides to wake me up at the ungodly time of day of 09:30. Let's just say that we were feeling a little... fragile. Like someone had dropped an anvil on my head fragile.

Both awake, no clothes. She look at me with the "Ah shit, how drunk was I and did....?" Before she asks, I run through from where she can't remember which is just before the throwing up part and I finish with "and no, we didn't fuck. You were far too drunk for that even though you wanted to."

"I usually leave running up a guys stairs naked for the third date" she said with a smirk.

She had a meeting to go to so I grabbed us a drink from the shop local and we got dressed (I got dressed to get the drinks, don't worry) and we went into town. She had no idea where she was. We got to town and apparently, her meeting was at 09:00. We got there at 10:30. Ah well.

I go to the bar at starbucks and order "Black coffee and lots of it please".

We chat and go to subway, then McDonalds, and at 12:30 we go to the pub. Can't blame the alcohol, I thought that I would give it another chance.

We finish what is our first date at 14:30. We end the date around eighteen and bit hours after we first started it.

She is keen to meet up again, and so am I.

Lectures were a bore. That's the only reason it ended then because I had lectures. Education first, always.

I come back with a flat battery with three texts from her when I charge my phone.

Cooking and then as it's Thursday, Skins night.

I find something of hers, a flannel of all things on my floor just before I started to write this. It's got her perfume on it.

All in all, very good two days with Ms. E.

Ta ta.

P.S. I won this on Ebay:


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Imogen Heap - Oh Me, Oh My

So, the date. It happened.

Hmmm...

What to say, what to say...

First off, this was my first date with a girl that I just met sorta thing. Nerves? Not many. Get a drink inside you before they get there and it's going to be fine.

So, the date was set for 19:00. On the way there, I see around about five people from University. This never happens unless I am in a hurry and what would've taken me twenty minutes took nearly forty.

So I got there at pretty much bang on 19:00. Yates was the place that she arranged to meet and I got there, without looking around - I head to the bar. It's just something that I do when I am in a pub/club/etc. Straight to the bar.

So, I get a pint of cider. Nothing too heavily alcoholic at the start. I don't want to be drunk before she gets there.

Forty-five minutes pass until she gets here. 19:45. Her train was delayed and her battery died. I have made myself a rule, wait an hour and if they're not there then leave. One hour. So she was within the hour so I stayed, obviously.

I know that women are... not the best at time keeping. So I brought a book, because I wasn't going to be sat there like a lemon waiting for when and if she would turn up.

Interestingly, she has meticulously straightened shoulder length chestnut hair. Where have I heard this one before?

"Tell me four things about yourself. One of them has to be a lie. I like to know that I can tell the lies from the truth." she said whilst sat outside the cafe with her legs crossed. Black medium length skirt. White shoes with little heels, no tights. White shirt; left a little open. Obviously done on purpose. Modest wrist watch and little make up. Little longer than shoulder length medium chestnut hair which had been straightened maliciously as not to miss a single hair with an alice band on her hair which was also white "to match my shoes, don't you see?" she said.

She had a short black skirt, legs crossed and a low cut top. Ugg boots though.

Interesting.

Anywhoo. Ah, before she came, I drank the cider and moved onto double Southern Comfort and Lemonade. (I know that Ms. Miet is going to kill me)

We got talking and it was nice, so much so that after two hours we went to my favourite haunt on a Wednesday, Alchemy. She loved the place, (thank god) but who can't help but like a black and white cat, a open fire and live acoustic covers?

We spent two pints length in there, and went to Revolution which is a Vodka bar.

And it's past midnight. So this will carry on in the next blog...

Ta ta ;)
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The Fray - Uncertainty

It took you this long, eh? I'm sorry, your mouth is muffled. It has something less than desirable in it right now and it has for years.

Don't you love the happy families? It's the Berlin Wall, baby. It's going to come down eventually. Just enough information needs to come out first. This is a goddamn arms race. Regan won in the end. The end has already been written; it's just got to happen now.

We exist in a state of nature, and with our laws and 'civilized' aspects of our society we try and escape from it. However, "war of every man against every man". That is the state of nature and the state of man is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." I have to concur with Hobbes. Rousseau, not so much.

Life is brilliant at the moment. Great lecture this morning. Shopping spree in River Island, drinks and being casually dressed and deep in conversation.

Busybusybusy

Plans, plans, plans. So many to do and so many promises to keep.

Tonight is going to be just brilliant. Drinks with the guys and girls. Pre drinks with the guys and a lot of chatting up to do.

Well, actually. I've been doing a lot of that today. Ms. E is being pretty damn keen and hopefully, if all goes well, something tomorrow. I picked up my new glasses today too, that's fun. I love my new stuff. Might have to show you; who knows?

All I know is that I need to shower, and get a wriggle on.

"You're different, aren't you? From other girls that is."

"I'm glad you think so, is that a good thing?"

"It's very good. I'm sick of childish games"

"So am I"

Don't look; it's a long way down.

Ta ta.
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Eddie Vedder - Long Nights

In all honesty, it's remarkable that I am writing this. Even more so if this actually makes sense. I haven't slept since the last time I posted. Well, actually, I am heading on for around forty-eight hours. What wonders that sleep deprivation has on me. Some of my best work happens when I am this tired and some of my worst. Ah well, you win some, you loose some.

I was close to calling you, meh. That's what lack of sleep does. That's a bright idea. I might re-do a lot of this tomorrow, I might not. Who knows.

Today, I did my radio thing and when I have a copy of it, it'll go on this and that'll be awesome because something that I found out today; I have a face and voice for radio.

Seriously, well, we know that I have a face for radio, let's not kid ourselves, but I really do have a voice for it. It sounded calm, content and... well, really good. Hmmm... It's dead interesting.

So yeah, I haven't slept. Not a wink. Not an iota.

I am actually not making any sense anymore. Jibberish. Bagga boo. Bagga bong.

Ah well. This is who I am sometimes. Insomnia. FTW.

I have gone full circle and I am back to the beginning. I just can't sleep. Gah, I hope that this will sort itself out. I have a lecture in 13 hours and I have to go to it and pick up my glasses tomorrow. Yes. Also, some errands to run, people to do, things to see. Etcetc.

My housemate is back tomorrow.

Oceana tomorrow night. A girl asked me to go. I don't even know her name.

The meaning of live: "We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is"

"Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different!"

I have smoked enough cigarettes to cough up a lung. Great. That'll have to back in there tomorrow. Maybe, if I am lucky enough and with enough help; I'll cough up a heart.

Until then, fuck it. Being a tin man sounds pretty fine to me right now.

Ta ta
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Imogen Heap - Between Sheets

I am here. I know this much. I guess that it's just the one thing that I do actually know. So many things are unknown to me. Where am I going and what am I doing? Where did I come from, if I did come from anywhere. Was I alive before this life and will I be alive after this one too?

All I know for certain is that the facts that I know are all theory. Many of them contained in dead European continental writers, in some dead tongue or another. Maybe not in a dead tongue as well as I move throughout history but in a dialect, a way, that we do not use anymore.

These are my prophets. Their words linger on inside of all of us and occupy our mental subconsciousness in such a way that we do not even realize that they have influenced us until years later when we come across their ideas in a dusty old copy of their book which cost a meager sum of money. Their books are sworn and broken, some of them have been discredited just like us as we go through life but their words and not their actions have cost so much pain, triumphalism and disdain that we cannot possibly ascertain the cost.

What will be the sum worth of my life if I were to go in say, by the time that you read this? What would have I given back to people that I know or that I didn't know?

I guess that it would not be that much, well, not that much that I can think of. There might be some good times and there will be some bad times. There will be laughter and sadness that money cannot buy. There will be many things that will be repeated with some other people, even though I may have been the first in many of the things that you can remember.

What will I be remembered for? I am not too sure, all I know that in a hundred years or less that I will be totally forgotten about, and the material possessions that I have will no longer live on. I will just be dead and buried. Sworn and broken.

But what if I lived for another say, sixty years? I will be Eighty-One. The age of my Grandfather when he died. He will for all intensive purposes be forgotten in a hundred years and some of his things will still live on, if it isn't his memory. His medals from World War Two will still be there, I hope. Nothing much else. I will not fight in a great war, I will not amount to great things in the old sense of power, but maybe in the soft sense, through debate and negotiation.

Nothing really ever lasts, really does it? It all falls away. Eventually. Somehow we've got to make our mark, even if just one person remembers in years to come. Just the question is somehow, I guess.

Someday.

Ta ta.
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Taking Back Sunday - Where Do You Want To Be

Hello hello hello hello hello!

When you're going to blank them; do it more convincingly. It doesn't work when they've seen you and you've seen them.

So. Ms. T was over last night and lots of talking and fun times ;). As per usual.

I would love to be in a different country right now, you know, just to find myself really. I feel a little lost as though I am hammering on doors but they're all locked down. Totally shut. Some things aren't making sense in my little head right now. I wish I knew what to make of certain situations. Things that don't make sense though, are usually pushed to the back of my head.

Many things that I want to say but most of them require some finesse, something more than I have right at this moment in time. They're just not coming out, the words that is. The feelings are though.

I said that two post secrets were true for me:





These were them.

My sleep has been abysmal as of late. It's really not that great when I am getting to sleep at around 6 or 7 in the morning but you know, that's just life.

And life is very, very good :)

Radio thing on Monday. I should be getting a copy of it so if you want you can hear me, you know... talk about real things and not just about my life but the thing that interests me the most; politics.

Say goodnight and go.

Ta ta
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Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan - The Circus Is Leaving Town

So I spent a lot of time working off (in the sense of being in bed and groaning) all the alcohol that I consumed last night. Therefore today has not been a very productive day, or as I would've liked it to be.

Texted Ms. J a few times and Ms. E; Ms. E didn't reply. She's an odd one.

Nothing really happened today. Jake is off to Kent for the weekend to see his family and things and I ordered pizza around an hour or so ago and I've eaten a fair amount of it and the rest is going to be for breakfast.

Going to do a load of reading tomorrow, I hope anyway. I can't wait to get my new glasses on Tuesday so I can actually see what is on a page because that is you know... useful!

Also, won my first blogging award from Ms. Gingerella at her blog here



And now I have to pass it to 15 people:

Here are my 15 beautiful bloggers:

1) Ms. P @ *Insert My Blog Name Here*

2) Ms. Fiona Hunter @ Acoustic Dreams &
Hardcore Screams

3) Ms. Churchill @ Baking Mama

4) Ms. Alexandra Hemrick @ Kind of That Girl

5) Ms. Mai Harris @ Mai Harris

6) Ms. Melanie @ Melanie's Randomness

7) Ms. Hannah Miet @ My Soul is a Butterfly

8) Ms. Amanda West @ Steeling Spoons

9) Ms. Gingerella @ Gingerella

10) Ms. Michelle @ TheMuseFactory

11) Ms. LiLu @ Livit, Luvit

12) Ms. Ellie @ Smalltown Adultery

13) Ms Laura Sowman @ The Happy Place

14) Ms. H @ The World According to miss*H

15) Ms. Eva @ Screaming Whispers



What do I have planned for tonight?

Ms. T is coming over ;)

Ta ta.
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Incubus - A Kiss To Send Us Off

Q) So, when is the only acceptable time for a really straight man to go to a gay club?

A) When drinks are 5p each!

So I had a lectures last night which was good, and I gave my number to a French Girl called Ms. M. She asked for it, I didn't ask for hers so... score!

Came back and had the obligatory night in with Jake (my house mate) And watched skins.

So odd that in that episode, I've been exactly, on the same spot as they were in two scenes. That's what you get when you come from Bristol, I suppose.

So to the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar! *stops singing electric six*

Ahem. I might've gotten a little bit drunk when I was there. I say a little bit, I mean a lot.

After we literally drank the place dry, we headed off to planet. Which is our local club that we go to. Metal and rock club. Brilliant.

Saw this lovely blond girl by her self as her friends were dancing and as it is fucking loud in planet, I thought that I would do something different.

I went down and sat next to her and on my phone I type:

"Hi :)"

and we hit it off from there really. Ms. J is her name and we were 'text' chatting for around half an hour and then had real conversations. I am actually surprised I could type with the amount of alcohol in my system. Anyway, I digress. Got her number and I've been texting Ms. J. She seems nice :)


Home and death. Also, broke my screen on my camera.

Ta ta.
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In Flames - Your Bedtime Story Is Scaring Everyone

Today has been a very productive day in the sense that I have printed off so much stuff relating to University that I think that I might just pop.

Apart from that, nothing really has happened. I remembered that I needed to watch University Challenge too, which is a programme over here in the UK with competing Universities being asked questions to advance rounds and with one final winner.

One segment of it has questions on Machiavelli's 'The Prince'. I did like that. One, where they started asking "Which two animals...." I shout "LION AND A FOX, LION AND A FOX!!!" to which, obviously I was right.

I love it when I learn things.

Tomorrow looks to be an interesting day and Monday too. Tomorrow there is obviously University from 15:00-19:00. But what is interesting about this is that there is a venue that Jake and I found out today where it is £5 entry into said club which is quite pricey when Planet is £1, however 5p drinks! That, in the United States is around 7-8 cents for a drink! I wonder if it can be true! Bloody nice if it is!

I also came to the realization yesterday that this valentines day was the first that I was actually single for 6 years. Six years. Christ!

I tidied my house yesterday and when I finally got to my room, I found some things in the corner of my room. There were photo's, a plastic rose and a valentines day card. Not from anyone this year but last year.

This is what happened to them:



God, I love fire. Burn et!

Also, I keep forgetting yesterday as it was so busy compared to today, that I found in this weeks copy of 'The Spectator' an article by Francis Fukuyama (the man that I based my dissertation on) in which he talks about the return of autocratic democracies. Interesting! Well, for me anyway.

Oh yes, and Monday too, I might be going on the airwaves in a radio show. Brilliant. And nothing that is totally soporifically boring (not for me anyway) as I have been on the radio for things that have made me want to cut my own tongue out for what the topics were but for this:

Hey.. would you be up for this radio debate on Monday morning? From 10 - 13:00? It will be mainly about why young people don't care about politics and don't vote. So it should be fun :)

Brilliant. Also reminds me to send off my electoral registration letter thing.

Tomorrow, lectures and all that. Couldn't go on my date tonight, Ms. T had to cancel due to work going past the point of when we can get to the cinema.

Ms. E is eager to meet up too. Ms. K hopefully next week.

What it is to be 21, male and alive all at the same time!

Ta ta.
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Muse - Apocalypse Please

You know that feeling when you're actually dying because you've drank too much? Yeah, I had that this morning but I was going to prevail because basically I had to. I had to be in at University at 11:00 for a lecture on something I couldn't give a flying fuck about.

Oh, this weekend I broke my glasses. Brilliant. Or you know, not. So I thought as this is the new me (in the sense that I am being more proactive) I went and got my eyes tested. Actually I went in and asked for an appointment and they told me to come back in just over an hour. Thinking that well, I can walk around or grab a coffee and read; I chose the latter. White Cafe Mocha and Cat's Cradle. I finished Cat's cradle there too. Brilliant! Loved it to bits. Now it's Bluebeard that I am going to read and you've guessed it correctly, it's also by Vonnegut. Hemingway after this one though.

So eyes tested and as I am naturally inquisitive I asked if I could see the pictures of my eyes that they took and for her to explain it. My eyes are cool, complex and really odd to look at. When it's inside them that is. What you can normally see is the one part of me that I do actually like. Hey ho.

New glasses. Well, two new pairs. Woop woop by one get one free! I leave spec savers £80 poorer than I went in and decided to make myself even poorerer. River Island. YOM. Messenger bag and sunglasses. Glasses like in 'Breakfast of Champions' if you've read it when Kurt's in the diner wearing them so people can't recognize him.

Back to mine and Ms. W. came over and well... Drinks were consumed and clothes were removed. ;)

Ta ta.
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Lydia - I Woke Up Near The Sea

Deary me. Who said that growing up was boring? Who said it wasn't fun?

I think that foam parties at Walkabout are amazing. What can be better than getting all nice and close with a load of cute girl, who are not wearing much as foam is sprayed all over you from a canon?

Nothing can be better really.

Just awesome really. Lecture today was brilliant. I got to compare Hobbes and Machiavelli. What will be most interesting will be to compare J.S. Mill and Machiavelli and the rights of people in Liberty but Hobbes does have some very good points. If you and an accomplice in a crime are caught, confess and get the other into trouble, it's the best solution.

Well, after the lecture it was a load of us that go for the, what is turning into a tradition, drinks in the Hog's head. I came back, did the shop at ASDA as usual and walkabout with a foam party ;) and then Babylon.

What a awesome day. Loved it. Sadly, there are no pictures, can't really take them when you're soaked from head to toe, chatting up someone ;)

Ta ta.
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José González - Deadweight On Velveteen

So, Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope the sun's out in New York.
I hope he bought you roses.

So as you're reading this I am currently travelling back to Wolverhampton and I should be around Cheltenham right now on the train. I am scheduling this post. I am writing it at 03:21 on the 14/02/2010. The first valentines day of the new decade and who knows what it's going to be like for me.

I remember VDAY. I got no cards this year. This isn't a big deal for me because well, if you need to show special treatment on just one day of the year; you've got some work to do in your relationship. A random dozen red roses always go down well. I really don't understand it though. I just really don't. They're flowers. If someone presented me with flowers I would be like "...Thanks? Now what?" Chocolates I would be "Thanks *munches*" and a Teddy Bear that was built at 'Build A Bear' or whatever would be, for me, "...Thanks?".

Want to win a guys heart? Get him something that he's been searching for years for. A CD, A gig ticket, a blowjob (y) (y) or you know... a band shirt? What always goes down well; plenty of alcohol. Take him on a night out to somewhere that he likes or whatever.

I don't like the one sidedness of VDAY in all fairness. I've just thought of this buy the way, what does a guy get for VDAY? He pays for a taxi, a meal for two and lots of wine, presents, a movie etcetcetc but what does a guy get? A card?

Hum. Something to think about in my head.

Nothing in this life is free; I've learnt this one. Everything costs in some way. If you haven't paid for it yet, you will. Like drinks promotions, a gift then used as bribery etc.

Well, there is one thing in life that is free: you.

INVICTUS


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Sometimes we pay a high price to do what we want to do and be whom we wish to be though, don't we? Always a price, there is always something to loose.

"I wear the chain I forged in life," replied the Ghost. "I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?" Scrooge trembled more and more. "Or would you know," pursued the Ghost, "the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have laboured on it since. It is a ponderous chain!"

I guess we make all our own chains and links. Links are the most important thing in the chain. Something that connects one chain to another. When the links in the chain aren't strong they snap into oblivion; you have to start a new.

People are links my life is my chain. When people aren't strong enough, the link will break and they'll be replaced by someone or something stronger.

There is always something stronger out there apart from diamond in the metaphorical and chemical sense. Nothing is actually stronger than diamond.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.

Two post secrets were true to me today. Interesting.

Anywhoo, I am going to sign off now. When you're reading this, I'll be on a train.

'citing!

I'm outta here!

Ta ta.
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Alkaline Trio - Enjoy Your Day

I've been doing some thinking and I might bow out from all this blogging lark.

I'm not too sure just yet. I have been keeping one for exactly 920 days (that is including today). I don't know. It has became a part of my life over the last three years or so, I don't know. Maybe a personal journal that is written with paper and a pen?

So I am back in Wolverhampton tomorrow and I have reading to do. I have to read several chapters of 'Leviathan' still because I just haven't gotten around to it just yet and the only time that I think that I am going to be able to fit it in is tomorrow on the train because that's the only time that I really get to myself where I am not thinking of anything.

Are the nights just getting longer or is it just me? Or is it that I am living on less and less sleep? Maybe that's the reason. This week I NEED to book my theory test for my licence because I need to get a car before I finish University. The sooner, the better. I am not going to turn 22 without having a car and it's going to make things so much simpler even if I do only use it for shopping. Actually, I am going to book it now.

*finds site*

Right. That's booked. Wednesday, March 3rd at 14:30.

I better pass this time or I am going to... cry? Fuck knows.

Well, that's something that I have been meaning to do which is done and booked. When this is done, I have to take at least five driving lessons and then I can take my real test and get my licence. I need to be more proactive.

Still undecided whether to carry on. We'll find out. Or maybe I should set a end date. Like the end of University or something? 1,000 posts? That means eighty more days. Who knows...


Ta ta.
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AFI - Miss Murder

So, last night was Imogen Heap and there actually no words to describe it.

Also, check my prior posts. There are photo's and it's me drunk. They're awesome :D



And let's have some pictures too:











Today was a good day. Got to spend the morning without kids and tonight we went for a meal with family. As in OUR family. It's the first time in three years that this has happened so I thought that there should be some pictures that should be taken because who knows if there is going to be another one in three years or more?

Here are some pictures. Please bear in mind that I actually.... Dressed up for this occasion:



















Broke my glasses today so I am going to have to buy some more which is going to be fun. Or you know...

Tomorrow is Ms. Churchill's baby's birthday so I am going to go around to hers and it's going to be fun :)

Ta ta.
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Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek

Well, I won't be home tonight until much later and as I am on my fourth train of the night and now I have some free time, I'll Blog on the BlackBerry and let ya'll know what's going on and why I've been busy. Since my birthday I have been drunk for... Well, nearly this entire time. There will be photo's from the bar crawl for Tuesdays post and for tonights as well. But it's all going to have to be done tomorrow. Trust me, the wait is well worth it. I am in Bristol now, and very tired. Well, on a train to Bristol. It is pitch dark outside and train is a'rumblin' across the night. Click clack and all of that.

I can see yellow lights for further than I can see with the tiny speckle of white in between. It is freezing cold but that just increases the tension within me. My heart is racing at a millions beats per second and my fingers are typing even faster.

The ticket lady is here with copper hair and rosy cheeks. There is no other word than bubbly. Men are longingly looking out of the window. Hoping for something that there, in the darkness will come and find them. Whether that be promotion, a nice meal, their children and wives at home or in my case for that someone who can occupy the spare seat beside me. On we go, the engine is getting louder then BANG! As we pass a high speed train. I arrive at the station I have just left with a gorgeous girl passes me. She has short brown hair with blonde highlights, a purple arab scarf with a bag saying "alpine Low" on it. Posters advertising trashy novels and corporate bands litter the walls but I stay on the train. This is not my stop. Soon it is. Lit football, track and field pitches litter my left. I want a coffee. Oh, lights! So many! It looks like the sky has fallen onto the ground. They're so close but no matter how hard I try, I cannot reach them. Another stop! Christ, alive! Mine IS the next one. Full stop. There is nobody here, don't they realise I have been waiting for this night for five years? Alas, 'course they don't. Nobody really knows the real me, not my thoughts. My actions on the other hand. You can run, but we will find you, they sing. Over and over like a taunting war drum. Over and over. Over and out.

An elderly woman is laughing, and I try and catch some of her conversation... It's about absolutely nothing. Totally inconsequential. Balderdash! Come on, another train passes and I nearly die again. My heart Isn't made for this. It's made for love and whiskey. Nice nights in with lights down low and the music up high. Where are we? What the hell is going on? Pah, we know nor care. Every word I type I get closer. Coffee please? No! Alcohol. That's what I need. To be drunk, yes. That is my natural state of existence. There there baby, it's just textbook stuff. It's in the ABC of growing up. Really? I never got the ABC of growing up. Is it too late? Can I learn now? What is it to be grown up? I don't know what it is. If growing up is excell and powerpoint, I want nothing to do with it!

Here we go. It's my stop.

It's show time!

Ta ta.
====================
Imogen Heap - Say Goodnight And Go

So today has been a day of recovering. I am in Bristol tomorrow to see Imogen Heap and that's going to be awesome. I know this.

So doing the obligatory buying powerade and drinking a lot of that because it sometimes helps and manny naps during the day.

Found it odd that Kayleigh (not Yate one) came over and slept over just randomly. What I find even weirder is that she left without waking me up. I don't think that anyone has ever done that before in my life but you know...

My Leicester Tigers (rugby team) shirt arrived. It's a 2XXL. It is massive and so comfy that I don't think that I shall ever take it off.


Last night was so brilliant, I just can't wait for the next time. Random girls, random kisses and random girls getting half naked for me for no reason.

God, I love University :D

My little brother is 16 today. Shit the bed.

Ta ta.
===================
Imogen Heap - Come Here Boy

Well, pictures are far much more interesting than words:
BOOM XI - Beauty And The Geek

















Ta ta
====================
Imogen Heap - Have You Got It In You?

So I am now officially 21.

Tammy came around last night and stopped over. It was dead nice and she got me a present too. I wasn't expecting that, nor an expensive one at that. Johnnie Walker Gold Label. Fucking yes! I am going to save that for my graduation because it is very expensive. Veryyy drunk tonight though. 21... that's fucked up I think.

Well, I know that my night was. ;)

I got incredibly drunk and I loved it.

18ish shots. Only couldn't do 21 because they closed the place at like 01:30 and I was refused entry to another place because I was too wasted.

This is me, on a statue of Prince Albert riding a horse. It was epic. I loved it. And I got a number and hopefully a date too ;)



This is the result of being on the horse and drunk. And yes, it does hurt.



Bar crawl tomorrow ;)

Ta ta.
========================
Good Charlotte - The Young And The Hopeless

A blog post caught my eye last night and I thought that I would share it with you:

The Sound of Settling.
So I have a friend, we'll call him Shmaul, he has a blog too. Lately he's been on a whole Machiavelli kick, nothing wrong with that you may think, unfortunately it seems that some people can find fault with anything. His most recent ex, we'll call her Shnaomi (hah!) has been reading his blog and seems to have taken a dislike to his references to all things Machiavellian, going so far as to facelessly bitch about it on Twitter of all places (I know, I know, people in glass houses and all.) and it got me wondering, what's with the desire to know every detail of past partners present lives? I'm as guilty of this as anyone, I once changed an exboyfriends passwords to everything, pretty much shot myself in the foot in terms of finding out details, but I was a whole bunch of crazy and besides, that's a different story for a different day. I digress, why do we need to know? We're only torturing ourselves, especially if we're "losing" the break-up. We end up being irritated by their old habits, bad spelling, stupid friends and for no reason other than to find out what, exactly? It all seems a bit silly really, so I propose a pledge to just stop. No-one is gaining anything from it really.

Interesting stuff, eh?

So this is going to be the last day that I am going to be 20. Interesting. Twenty-one. How the years really do fly by. Well, I am going to be 21 at 15:33 GMT. That is the time that I was born exactly. 3:33. Half way to hell. That's what life feels like some times but not right now. That black dog has fucked off so far that I can't see it.

Tomorrow it looks like I might try and do 21 shots. Maybe not at the same time because you know...I will actually die, but spaced out during the night. That'll be more fun. A 21 shot salute.

And then on the 9th, it's going to be infamous bar crawl. And trust me, by the end of the night we are pretty much crawling, we've had that much. It's going to be brilliant. And tomorrow, I have a lecture on 'The Prince'. Life just can't get better really.

I'll see if I can do a VLOG at around midnight and put it on here for either tonight's post or tomorrows.

Either way:

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell

;)

Ta ta.

===================
The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

So, I had a really good day today in all honesty. I have been talking to Laura over MSN a lot because she's been online and we've both needed a chat. It's been dead nice. Would've, Could've, should've etc etc.

I went to the cinema with Father today too. That was odd. Ah well, he wanted to spend some time with me and things because... well, who knows really?

Went for a meal which was okay and then I went to planet. Got chatting to some people. A girl called Rachel who incidentally has just moved back from Bristol to Wolverhampton. Small world, eh?

And because I went to planet, I got horribly drunk :) What else is there to do really?

Ta ta.
===================
Alkaline Trio - Piss And Vinegar

Funny how if you're a joke, you just can't stay away. So much that you access this on your phone. Hmm.

Been thinking about Machiavelli, The Price and Discourses. How one can have two separate, contradictory thoughts at the same time. Doublethink? How both cruelty and niceness will both take you far. Hate won't.

Upon this a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, is much safer to be feared than loved, when, of the two, either must be dispensed with. Because this is to be asserted in general of men, that they are ungrateful, fickle, false, cowardly, covetous, and as long as you succeed they are yours entirely; they will offer you their blood, property, life and children, as is said above, when the need is far distant; but when it approaches they turn against you. And that prince who, relying entirely on their promises, has neglected other precautions, is ruined; because friendships that are obtained by payments, and not by greatness or nobility of mind, may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.

If you've got a moment, read chapter 17 of 'The Prince' here "Concerning Cruelty And Clemency, And Whether It Is Better To Be Loved Than Feared

Is it better to be loved or feared? I think that it depends on the situation. In work life it's much better to be feared, well, any aspect of your life rather than your immediate personal life then it is better to be feared. You get a lot more that way.

I've bought a ticket to see Pearl Jam at Hard Rock Calling in June. £60 but WHO CARES?! PEARL JAM!!!

Spent £50 on alcohol today as well. Fuck it.

Well do you find you like to fall in love with people that you're never gonna meet?
It's easier than breaking up and crying in the street
Do you curse the happy couple? Do you cringe at wedding bells?
Do you drink up all the punch while you wish 'em all to

Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss, blah blah blah.
You're making me sick, I wish you'd just stop showing off
For the rest of us that no one wants to love
It's hard enough trying to drink another Winter all alone
Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss, blah blah blah.

Oh, and I love how this is true:

There are things that used to make me laugh
But now they're deeply buried in the past
I left them there so far away
Replaced my humor with my pain
I'll be happy on the day it dies

Remember when I said I love you
Well, forget it I take it back
I was just a stupid kid back then
I take back every word that I said

Funny, if I say something else that I want to then it'll happen.

Oh, and didn't you see this coming? Bad things happen in three's.

Told you. I went into the bathroom and cried. It was because I miss you. It wasn't even that good. Just a friend? Yeah. BOYfriend.

Also, didn't you realize what he was playing at? He told you that I cheated on you because he wanted you to break up with me. You didn't so he put thoughts in your head so that when I returned to University that you would. He was nice and comforting that you would sleep with him, develop feelings and go out with him today. I saw this in May. Why didn't I stop it? It's more fun this way. Shame I won't be there to laugh when it all comes crashing down.

God, I love alcohol.

This is the last time I talk about things like this. My life is going so fucking brilliantly as of late. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Today, I had an American and Bea around. We cooked, we drank; we had fun :D

I love how this packet of cards has a lot of the ace of spades in it. I would say around 17 ace's. When to play them... when to play...

Ta ta.
===================
Foo Fighters - February Stars

Are things really out of our control or is it just us or others saying it, really? I am torn between the three of them. We can want something so badly that we would die for it, quite gladly, if there was a vain hope in it happening whether it be actually dying or just a spiritual or psychological death.

Sometimes, after years and years of lusting after something (let's not kid ourselves, it's usually someONE) and we finally get it, I usually find that I don't want it anymore. Was it all in the chase? Was all of that just lust? I guess we only ever find out at the very end. We either want it even more then as we have what we've been searching after for years or now that we don't have to strive for it, we don't want it anymore. La petite mort?

Like me, for example, I get... obsessed with somethings, not usually people, for a while. Be it guns, flags, food... et al. Eventually things like that subside, but when it's about a person... it can go on consistently for years.

I swear that 'love' and 'lust' are just alternative words for Machiavellian.

Ever led in bed wishing that someone was there more than anyone else? Wanting something that you just can't damn well have and you know this but you still want it more and more everyday? Lost sleep over someone or just can't sleep over someone?

Or thought that you were in love or loved someone but as soon as you got the courage to tell them, that feeling went faster than cocaine up a prostitutes nose?

But don't ask me; I only just got here.

Ta ta.
===================
H.I.M - Love, The Hardest Way

Let's not kid ourselves, it is usually best to say things when you're sober. Sobriety is overrated though.

When you're drunk you really mean it. Say it like you mean it. All it takes is a bit of lubricant for your thoughts, to make you realize that what you're doing is a splendid idea. Even when it's not. I am sure that you've been in that situation, I myself have been many a time and it's also happened to me many times too.

Do I really need to say those things at all or should I say them all then. I presume that I have been thinking about things that I wouldn't say when I was sober. It might just be a different way of thinking it because thoughts are less linear; less logical if you will.

But then again, trace the steps back and you'll find it made prefect sense. I guess sometimes only to yourself.

What have I been saying? Don't call me when you're sober and don't call me when you're drunk either. Don't text me, too on my birthday. You know who you are. This time it's for good, baby. This time it's forever.

Ta ta.
==================
Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

So I had two hours sleep last night and there was no good reason for this which makes me sad.

Went to lectures as per normal then went for coffee with Keira. It was nice to just sit and chat, even though we talk a fair bit and things, we aren't that close. Even despite spending the week together in Normandy, France. C'est la vie.

I wish I had a 'girlfriend' in the sense I could go shopping with, have fun with, cook for et al.

Also, the other kinda girlfriend would be grand too :)

Funny, coming to the realization that I am going to be 21. Not that bothers me in the slightest, pretty damn ambivalent about the whole thing. It's just that at the age of 21 I thought that I would've found a close group of friends that I would have for life, you know? Some people who I grew up with. Granted there are some wonderful people in my life and some that I grew up with... particularly. Well, Ms. Laura Sowman knows me better than all others put together. Ms. Kayleigh Churchill is awesome, we didn't get on with at all when I was younger has become my best friend in Yate. She's pretty damn awesome. She knows that childish shit time is over, time for being grown-up things and not to 'hate' someone because someone told you to do so.

Also, bought a mic so you know, if you want VLOG's (not every day, I look bad most days.) I can do them (y)

I would love a cuddle and a whiskey right now. Well, I can do one but you kinda need someone else for the 'ther.

Black dog's back. Shit.

Ta ta.
===================
Alkaline Trio - Draculina

I didn't totally forget something, at all... Come on, this is me. I totally did.

Last night, I went to see Lacuna Coil for the second time. And OH.MY.GOD. Cristina Scabbia (the front woman) is so incredibly, mind blowingly attractive. Yummmm...

That's the sort of girl that I like. Black hair, AWESOME clothes, and lots of black eye make-up.

Also, something else is excellent. Laura, who you all know I talk about is blogging too, apparently. Here Everyone should totally click that follow button on her blog.

Today, I had a really awesome lecture on Machiavelli. Okay, here's something... I am a nerd when it comes to things like this. I would love to talk philosophy, especially political philosophy for hours and hours. That's just me. Talking about being 'Machiavellian' (which I have been described as on more than one occasion).

As I said that Monday is my ASDA shopping day today, it was. I didn't get home from ASDA until 00:45. This is good, I love shopping late at night. Pork chops? Yummy.

Thank you to all the lovely comments. I really do appreciate it. I really do.

I am glad that you like my accent. Do a VLOG yourself, let's see if I love yours too ;)

If you didn't notice, when I think, I look up. That's the dyslexia and thinking things in a visual way and when you look up you access that part of your brain. Odd, eh?

Anywhoo...

Welcome to Februrary (which I didn't know had two R's until I was eighteen. And one week 'til I am 21!)

Ta Ta.
===================
Lacuna Coil - Heaven's A Lie